Pick a sin, any sin

Looking through the Ten Commandments, or to be honest any religion's definition of sin, is stress inducing to me. Pick a sin, any sin, and I've probably done it. I try to be a good person, I try to focus on my spiritual growth, but with so many contradictory views and so many mistakes under my belt, the only conclusion I can come up with, is that if hell exists and religion is right about what sends you there, I'm probably going there.

I was raised Catholic so let's look at some of the most basic rules for them, The Ten Commandments:

1. I am the Lord your God. Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
I'm a pluralist. I fail this one on principle probably.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.
So saying god damn it or Jesus Christ in anger? Oops.

3. Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.
Going to weekly mass? Nah...

4. Honor thy father and mother.
Did I ever tell you guys about the time my mom and I almost got into a physical fight but she ended up punching the table instead of me and we dragged each other onto the floor? Or how about the time I fantasized about killing her every day for months on end because of the way she treated my grandmother? Or all the fights we've gotten into over the years? My relationship with my dad is fairly decent though. I mean, even my relationship with my mom is decent overall, but we've hit just as many rough patches as good patches. And sin or not, I have never and probably will never forgive her for the way she treated my grandmother. To be honest, the fact that she's forgiven herself makes me more angry at her. She felt guilty, talked to her priest, and he framed it as though my dad was the guilty party when he wasn't. He didn't absolve her of sin, he made her believe that she wasn't guilty of committing one. In my eyes, that means that she has never and will never truly be sorry and therefore can never be redeemed for it. If I'm going to hell, she'll be there with me, I guess.

5. Thou shalt not kill.
By the law's standards, I'm good on this one. I haven't murdered anybody. By the Church's standards, however....I'm not ready to talk about this on here just yet. But if you think really hard about what the Church would consider murder and what a lot of religious people consider murder that the justice system and most liberals do not consider murder, well...I think it's obvious.

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Have I ever told ya'll about the marriage I wrecked?

7. Thou shalt not steal.
Is shoplifting as a teenager really that bad?

8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.
Like witness in court? I'm good. Gossiping or lying however...eh, not so much. Although I will say that usually when I gossip it's only with stuff that I have verified as being true.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife.
Okay, so, I know I mentioned this above but like, did I tell you guys about the marriage I wrecked? Also, this should seriously just say spouse.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods.
Okay, but like, is there anyone on earth not guilty of this?

Well, you might say, the Golden Rule is what's most important. Treat others the way you want to be treated. That's more important than a list of rules from 3,000 years ago.

True. But take a long look at that list up there. Not going to church every week doesn't mistreat anyone except God if God is real and requires that. Same with a few of the other rules too. But some of them are cold hard evidence that I have NOT treated other people the way I would want to be treated. If I had, I probably would've never cheated or been the other woman, but I did and I was. I wrecked a marriage that had kids involved. They're back together now and both are my friends, and I'm still with the person I cheated on, so I guess it surprisingly all worked out okay, but that was a hell of a breach of the golden rule.

So what do we do in a situation like this? We look at a list of sins and realize we are guilty of almost everything. Are we a lost cause? What if we don't even consider all of them to be sins anymore? Does that make us even more of a lost cause?

I don't know, but my personal belief is that we are never truly a lost cause as long as we're still striving to be better. My spiritual life now has become redefining what the word sin means to me and striving to stop committing them. I'm not there yet, there are still some things that even I define as a sin that I'm not ready to give up yet, but I'm trying to be a little bit of a better person than I was before. Hopefully that counts for something...