Confession

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One of the things that I really like about growing up Catholic (which I know some may find odd) is confession. I've had people who either were never Catholic, were ex-Catholics, or who were not-very-religious Catholics all come to me with the complaint that they didn't understand why they "had" to reveal everything they'd done to the priest or what that would accomplish. Some would say that it wasn't the priest's business or that it was between them and God, which I can understand and can respect. In fact, I briefly was one of these people.

That being said, there's is something about it that makes me feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. Confessing feels good. Even if it's not a list of sins being confessed to a priest or a deity, the act of admitting all of the things you've done wrong that you feel bad about, coming clean, asking for forgiveness (and hopefully receiving it), as well as finding out what you can do to make amends just feels good. It's also a good thing for the person you've wronged, whether that person be God or not. Completely outside of religion, I tend to be horrible at keeping it from someone when I know I've hurt them. This has caused me to come clean about certain things, like cheating for example (something I'm not proud of having done), to a significant other because it completely ate away at me. Realizing how badly I'd hurt the other person was awful, but it was the first step towards making things right between us again and though I had to do a lot of work to make it up to him and had to deal with a lot of painful emotions, I still felt very relieved being honest about it. Whenever I don't come clean, like for instance whenever I said something bad about an acquaintance behind their back, I felt guilty about it for weeks. Confession, making amends/doing penance, and hopefully receiving forgiveness is something that's not only good for the person (or deity) you've wronged, but also good for your own soul.

Which brings me to my next point. I haven't gone to confession in a long time. The last time I went to confession I honestly felt as though my priest was judging me (trust me, I do understand where some people's complaints about confessing to a priest are coming from). I really want to go to confession again and I want that cleansed soul feeling again. However, now that I'm a pluralist I have a bit of a dilemma. One, the simple fact that I am a pluralist would be a sin to the Catholic Church, but I'm not sorry for it so I can't confess it. Two, there are other things that I've done that I do not consider to be sinful anymore (some of which I never found sinful even before) such as premarital sex for one example. That being said, there are many things I've done which I do feel are wrong, hurtful to others, hurtful to myself, harmful to the earth, dishonest, cruel, etc. that I do genuinely feel bad about and want to try to make up for, so I still want to do something like confession, even if it's not through the Catholic Church anymore.

So I'm trying to brainstorm some ideas for confession, other than traditional Catholic confession, for people who don't think that would suit them but still want the benefits of confession:

1. If the "sin" was against another person specifically, go to them and admit what you did, apologize for it, and ask them how you can make it up to them. Tell them that you will try not to do it again in the future.

2. If the "sin" was against a larger group or the earth/environment/animals, admit that it was wrong, educate yourself on it, and then do something to make up for it. An example of this would be making an effort to educate yourself on a certain religion, defend people of a certain faith, and taking part in interfaith organizations/events which promote understanding and communication between religions, as well as apologizing for making insensitive comments and quick judgments in the past if you were prejudiced against someone of a certain faith (such as people who've assumed all Muslims are extremists or terrorists without knowing anything about Islam other than what they say on the media). Even if you apologize, don't expect certain groups to trust you right away, whether it be a group of friends, your family, or an entire movement or group of people.

3. If the "sin" is against yourself, admit to yourself what you did and why it was wrong, make a promise to yourself not to do it anymore, and then forgive yourself (such as doing anything where you were too hard on yourself, lacked self respect, integrity, hurt yourself, treated yourself badly by ignoring your physical/mental health, etc.).

4. Type up all your "sins" in a Word document, look at each one and what you can do to make amends and/or avoid doing it again, and then delete the whole document and make a promise to forgive yourself and forget about the "sins" once they're deleted.

5. Write all your "sins" in a list, do the same thing where you decide how to best handle each one (maybe scratch each one off as you apologize and try to make up for it), forgive yourself, and then either rip it up or burn it, and forget about them once they're gone. Address the confession to whatever deity/deities you believe in (if you do) and ask for their forgiveness.

6. If you like the idea of your sins being kept secret, which I can completely understand, (though I still think it's best to come clean to each individual person you've hurt if you're close to them), make your list, forgive yourself and get rid of it however you feel would make you feel the most relieved, and then do some sort of universal penance, such as volunteering to help others or the earth to sort of give back to the universe or make amends to whatever deity/deities you believe in.

7. If you like the idea of confessing to another person and getting feedback from them on how to make up for it as well as their reassurance that you can be forgiven, try either confessing to a friend or family member or if you want anonymity, there are certain places online where you can spill what's on your mind and get responses without anyone ever having to say who they are (some are pretty casual, like confession blogs, but others are based around mental health, emotional support, and getting advice, such as The Quiet Place- Comfort Spot website.

I'm not sure if I'm going to try one of the methods above or give traditional Catholic confession another shot (despite not being a traditional Catholic anymore), or perhaps I might do both. I think I'll start making a list of all my "sins" now!

P.S. If you haven't figured out by now, when I say sin in this post, I don't necessarily mean the Catholic view of what a sin is or what constitutes a sin, I just mean a morally wrong action, word, or thought and I think that's a good word to use.

ETA: I just want to clarify a few things because I'm sure this will be taken in the wrong way if I don't.

1. In no way am I saying that just because you apologize to someone that they will or should forgive you. Forgiveness is something that you have to work at and some things are too terrible to expect others to forgive. If you're truly sorry for what you did, you should be able to understand that, and will leave them alone if they don't want anything to do with you. If what you did to the other person was so bad that it's illegal, consider turning yourself in.

2. Don't apologize to whole groups of people or strangers who don't know or care what you did. I used the example above about prejudice, but that doesn't mean make some public declaration of how you used to have unwarranted negative opinions of or thoughts toward people. Very few people will care and some will be annoyed at you for acting as though you should get rewarded for having changed. Just change for the better and if your prejudice hurt anyone whom you actually know in particular, tell them you realize now that you were wrong, that you're sorry, and that you're trying to change.

3. If you said something nasty about someone and they never found out, it was still wrong to say it, but you probably shouldn't go around to every person you ever betrayed by making fun of them admitting that you called them fat, ugly, annoying etc. in the past and that you're sorry now, because even though admitting it might make you feel better, it will make them feel awful to know that was said about them. In situations like those, admitting it to yourself and making a promise to yourself to never do it again is kinder than admitting it to the person you were talking about.

Basically use common sense. If you're sorry, aren't trying to convince yourself that you were right when you know that you're wrong, and want to try to make amends for it if you can, you should be fine. Use your best judgment when dealing with others. Don't expect forgiveness from other people and don't even ask for it, just apologize because it's the right thing to do. As for whatever deity/deities you believe in (if you do), they can see into your heart and know if you're truly sorry once you confess and do your penance.

Mourning

Today is my grandmother's birthday. If she were alive, she'd be 94 years old. She was the one person I was closer to than anyone else. She watched me and took care of me growing up. She made my childhood the absolute best that it could have ever been. My entire life I have always known that there was at least one person who loved me unconditionally, totally and completely, who would always be there for me, to listen and comfort, and who I would always be there for in return. I am so grateful that I even had someone like that in my life. But now she's gone. She died in April at 93 years old.

That was by far the worst day of my entire life. I remember it quite clearly. I walked into her bedroom and it felt like I'd stepped into hell. I tried to shake her awake, called 911, tried to resuscitate her, screamed for her to wake up. But even as I was doing these things, I started noticing little details that I was trying desperately to deny, to hope that the inevitable hadn't happened: her body was too stiff, her calves and feet looked almost purple, something wasn't right about her eyes; they were almost closed, but just slightly open, and I couldn't see her actual eyes inside.

I was no stranger to death. In the past year before I lost her I also lost my grandfather, whom I was also extremely close to (they died one year and five days apart), my uncle (her son, which left her devastated), and my great uncle who died right before my eyes. The day before my grandmother died, a family friend whom my grandmother considered to be "like a grandson" to her also passed, but his body wasn't found until the day after my grandmother died (thankfully, as it would have broken her heart to know that he died). And I lost a few other family members in the past few years. I've had classmates pass, childhood friends, neighbors, and pets. Still, nothing prepared me for walking into that room. Nothing prepared me for the events of that day.

If she were alive today, we would have celebrated with a party. We even talked about it before she died, inviting the whole family and having a huge meal. Instead, today was just upsetting and miserable. I'm going to go light a candle for her, wish her a happy birthday, and say a few prayers.

Happy Harvest Season!

Staying true to what I said in my last post, I did go out and get some delicious farm fresh food! Lots of corn, green peppers, and tomatoes. They even sell it by honor system, which I think its really cool that people still have enough faith in others to do that. I put in a little extra beyond the actual cost. And I also got some squash and green beans from a friend's garden! Now I can't wait to eat all the food I got!

Lammas

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Lammas, or Lughnasadh as it is also known, is one of the eight holidays on the pagan/Wiccan wheel of the year and the first harvest festival. It falls on August 1st in the Northern Hemisphere. 

Admittedly, I've never known much about this holiday but I wanted to find out more so I decided to do a little research.

According to the Wikipedia pages for Lammas, Lughnasadh, and the Wheel of the Year:

"Wiccans mark the holiday by baking a figure of the god in bread and eating it, to symbolize the sanctity and importance of the harvest. Celebrations vary, as not all Pagans are Wiccans. The Irish name Lughnasadh is used in some traditions to designate this holiday. Wiccan celebrations of this holiday are neither generally based on Celtic culture nor centered on the Celtic deity Lugh. This name seems to have been a late adoption among Wiccans. In early versions of Wiccan literature the festival is referred to as August Eve."

"The name Lammas (contraction of loaf mass) implies it is an agrarian-based festival and feast of thanksgiving for grain and bread, which symbolizes the first fruits of the harvest. Christian festivals may incorporate elements from the Pagan Ritual."

"In some English-speaking countries in the Northern Hemisphere, August 1 is Lammas Day (Anglo-Saxon hlaf-mas, "loaf-mass"), the festival of the wheat harvest, and is the first harvest festival of the year. On this day it was customary to bring to church a loaf made from the new crop, which began to be harvested at Lammastide. The loaf was blessed, and in Anglo-Saxon England it might be employed afterwards to work magic: a book of Anglo-Saxon charms directed that the lammas bread be broken into four bits, which were to be placed at the four corners of the barn, to protect the garnered grain."

"Lughnasadh or Lughnasa is a Gaelic festival marking the beginning of the harvest season. Historically, it was widely observed throughout Ireland, Scotland and the Isle of Man. Originally it was held on 1 August, or about halfway between the summer solstice and autumn equinox. However, over time the celebrations shifted to the Sundays nearest this date. Lughnasadh is one of the four Gaelic seasonal festivals; along with Samhain, Imbolc and Beltane. It corresponds to other European harvest festivals such as the Welsh Calan Awst and the English Lammas. Lughnasadh is mentioned in some of the earliest Irish literature and is believed to have pagan origins. The festival itself is named after the god Lugh. It involved great gatherings that included religious ceremonies, ritual athletic contests (most notably the Tailteann Games), feasting, matchmaking and trading. There were also visits to holy wells. According to folklorist Máire MacNeill, evidence shows that the religious rites included an offering of the first of the corn, a feast of the new food and of bilberries, the sacrifice of a bull and a ritual dance-play. Much of this would have taken place on top of hills and mountains."

The wikipedia page for Lammas discusses how the holiday was observed well into Christian times in parts of Europe, mainly medieval England and Scotland, and how Christian meaning was applied to the holiday whose main purpose is to simply give thanks for the first harvest of the year and to bless the crops. Lammas was even mentioned in the Shakespeare play Romeo and Juliet!

From paganwiccan.about.com I found more information:

"This holiday can be celebrated either as a way to honor the god Lugh, or as a celebration of the harvest."

"By celebrating Lammas as a harvest holiday, we honor our ancestors and the hard work they must have had to do in order to survive. This is a good time to give thanks for the abundance we have in our lives, and to be grateful for the food on our tables. Lammas is a time of transformation, of rebirth and new beginnings."

"Depending on your individual spiritual path, there are many different ways you can celebrate Lammas, but typically the focus is on either the early harvest aspect, or the celebration of the Celtic god Lugh. It's the season when the first grains are ready to be harvested and threshed, when the apples and grapes are ripe for the plucking, and we're grateful for the food we have on our tables." source

The site goes on to list information about other faiths celebrating the harvest at this time of year besides the Celtic faith in Lugh, such as, Sumerian and Greek myths/tales of gods and goddesses associated with grain and the harvest as well as harvest festivals. There are a great number of deities historically associated with grain, corn, and/or the harvest from many different cultures, societies, and religions worldwide. Among these are multiple myths in Native American traditions about a "corn mother" as well as many harvest/grain deities which explain the dying of crops in winter and return of crops in the summer as life-death-rebirth cycles. Some of these deities include, but are not limited to, Adonis, Attis, Ceres, Demeter, Dagon, Mercury, Neper, Pomona, Tammuz, and Parvati (Hinduism). More information on these numerous deities can be found here and here.

It tells of the harvest traditions, tales, and festivals of ancient Ireland and the myths/tales surrounding Lugh and his worship:

"In some Wiccan and modern Pagan traditions, Lammas is also a day of honoring Lugh, the Celtic craftsman god. He is a god of many skills, and was honored in various aspects by societies both in the British Isles and in Europe. Lughnasadh (pronounced Loo-NAS-ah) is still celebrated in many parts of the world today. Lugh's influence appears in the names of several European towns." source

Many pagans also associate the holiday with goddess worship as well or instead of Lugh:

"In some Pagan traditions, Lammas is the time of year when the Goddess takes on the aspects of the Harvest Mother." source 

This idea of a "harvest mother" goddess is ancient, as is seen in the examples of Demeter and Ceres.

The time of year where the harvest season begins towards the end of summer and the meaning of the holiday of being grateful for a good harvest necessary to survival has significance to Christians as well:

"The word Lammas derives from the Old English phrase hlaf-maesse, which translates to loaf mass. In early Christian times, the first loaves of the season were blessed by the Church." source

The blessing of first fruits was performed annually in both the Eastern and Western Churches on the first or the sixth of August (the latter being the feast of the Transfiguration of Christ).

Lammas coincides with the feast of St. Peter in Chains, commemorating St. Peter's miraculous deliverance from prison. source

In France, the last week of July was a time when the first fruits of the harvest were blessed. Farmers who had orchards brought baskets of their produce to church as a tithe, and a priest consecrated the offering. The apples, cherries, peaches and more were distributed then among the congregation. source

Harvest celebrations and traditions can be found in many different religions and cultures, including even the Jewish/Israeli celebration of Shavout and Indian/Hindu Onam traditions. A list of these traditions and celebrations can be found here.

Many neo-pagans and Wicca followers celebrate Lammas in various ways, including decorating their homes and altars, making dolls out of corn husks, performing certain rituals or doing witchcraft especially spells or potions using the crops, making offerings of the crops, blessing the crops, giving thanks to whatever deities they worship for the successful harvest, buying fresh grains and produce from local farms or harvesting their own homegrown crops, and preparing a delicious holiday meal with the crops reaped from the harvest. 

There are other modern ways of celebrating the beginning of the harvest season other than neo-pagan and Wicca which are Lammas traditions that have been passed down over time.

"Because of its association with Lugh, the skilled god, Lammas (Lughnasadh) is also a time to celebrate talents and craftsmanship. It's a traditional time of year for craft festivals, and for skilled artisans to peddle their wares. In medieval Europe, guilds would arrange for their members to set up booths around a village green, festooned with bright ribbons and fall colors. Perhaps this is why so many modern Renaissance Festivals begin around this time of year!" source

"In parts of Europe, and particularly the British Isles, Lammas became the season for country fairs."

"Today, in the United States and many other countries, the celebration of the local fair has become an annual event. In rural communities, the fair is a big to-do held typically right before children return to school. Much like the country fairs of days gone by, there are games, competitions, lots of food, and livestock for sale and trade. Although it's generally only Pagans who observe the tradition of Lammas at this time, the custom of the community fair has survived the centuries." source

Speaking of celebrating Lammas by going to community fairs, that's exactly how I spent Lammas this year. Though I've never actually celebrated the holiday before, I went to my hometown's "Community Days" festival today, and didn't even realize how these traditions connect!

Whether you call it Lammas or a different name, and regardless of whether or not it has any specific religious meaning for you, a successful harvest has always been something to celebrate in almost every society worldwide in all of history. It's no wonder that there are so many deities, holidays, traditions, and festivals associated with such an important event necessary to survival. Whether you are giving thanks to a deity or deities for the successful harvest or simply thanking your local farmers, we can all be grateful for the delicious freshly harvested crops! I know I am and plan to buy some locally grown sweet corn tomorrow!

From the research I've done, it seems like believing in a specific deity or specific religion isn't necessarily a requirement for Lammas or for celebrating the harvest by giving thanks, and it's something that I'd definitely like to start actively celebrating. I've always benefited from the fruits of the harvest but never really stopped to thank the Divine for blessing us with a successful harvest nor have I normally gone out of my way to support local farmers by purchasing their crops. I'd like to do so in the future as well as perhaps start a garden to take part in this amazing harvesting cycle myself!