One of the things that I really like about growing up Catholic (which I know some may find odd) is confession. I've had people who either were never Catholic, were ex-Catholics, or who were not-very-religious Catholics all come to me with the complaint that they didn't understand why they "had" to reveal everything they'd done to the priest or what that would accomplish. Some would say that it wasn't the priest's business or that it was between them and God, which I can understand and can respect. In fact, I briefly was one of these people.
That being said, there's is something about it that makes me feel like a weight has been lifted off of my chest. Confessing feels good. Even if it's not a list of sins being confessed to a priest or a deity, the act of admitting all of the things you've done wrong that you feel bad about, coming clean, asking for forgiveness (and hopefully receiving it), as well as finding out what you can do to make amends just feels good. It's also a good thing for the person you've wronged, whether that person be God or not. Completely outside of religion, I tend to be horrible at keeping it from someone when I know I've hurt them. This has caused me to come clean about certain things, like cheating for example (something I'm not proud of having done), to a significant other because it completely ate away at me. Realizing how badly I'd hurt the other person was awful, but it was the first step towards making things right between us again and though I had to do a lot of work to make it up to him and had to deal with a lot of painful emotions, I still felt very relieved being honest about it. Whenever I don't come clean, like for instance whenever I said something bad about an acquaintance behind their back, I felt guilty about it for weeks. Confession, making amends/doing penance, and hopefully receiving forgiveness is something that's not only good for the person (or deity) you've wronged, but also good for your own soul.
Which brings me to my next point. I haven't gone to confession in a long time. The last time I went to confession I honestly felt as though my priest was judging me (trust me, I do understand where some people's complaints about confessing to a priest are coming from). I really want to go to confession again and I want that cleansed soul feeling again. However, now that I'm a pluralist I have a bit of a dilemma. One, the simple fact that I am a pluralist would be a sin to the Catholic Church, but I'm not sorry for it so I can't confess it. Two, there are other things that I've done that I do not consider to be sinful anymore (some of which I never found sinful even before) such as premarital sex for one example. That being said, there are many things I've done which I do feel are wrong, hurtful to others, hurtful to myself, harmful to the earth, dishonest, cruel, etc. that I do genuinely feel bad about and want to try to make up for, so I still want to do something like confession, even if it's not through the Catholic Church anymore.
So I'm trying to brainstorm some ideas for confession, other than traditional Catholic confession, for people who don't think that would suit them but still want the benefits of confession:
1. If the "sin" was against another person specifically, go to them and admit what you did, apologize for it, and ask them how you can make it up to them. Tell them that you will try not to do it again in the future.
2. If the "sin" was against a larger group or the earth/environment/animals, admit that it was wrong, educate yourself on it, and then do something to make up for it. An example of this would be making an effort to educate yourself on a certain religion, defend people of a certain faith, and taking part in interfaith organizations/events which promote understanding and communication between religions, as well as apologizing for making insensitive comments and quick judgments in the past if you were prejudiced against someone of a certain faith (such as people who've assumed all Muslims are extremists or terrorists without knowing anything about Islam other than what they say on the media). Even if you apologize, don't expect certain groups to trust you right away, whether it be a group of friends, your family, or an entire movement or group of people.
3. If the "sin" is against yourself, admit to yourself what you did and why it was wrong, make a promise to yourself not to do it anymore, and then forgive yourself (such as doing anything where you were too hard on yourself, lacked self respect, integrity, hurt yourself, treated yourself badly by ignoring your physical/mental health, etc.).
4. Type up all your "sins" in a Word document, look at each one and what you can do to make amends and/or avoid doing it again, and then delete the whole document and make a promise to forgive yourself and forget about the "sins" once they're deleted.
5. Write all your "sins" in a list, do the same thing where you decide how to best handle each one (maybe scratch each one off as you apologize and try to make up for it), forgive yourself, and then either rip it up or burn it, and forget about them once they're gone. Address the confession to whatever deity/deities you believe in (if you do) and ask for their forgiveness.
6. If you like the idea of your sins being kept secret, which I can completely understand, (though I still think it's best to come clean to each individual person you've hurt if you're close to them), make your list, forgive yourself and get rid of it however you feel would make you feel the most relieved, and then do some sort of universal penance, such as volunteering to help others or the earth to sort of give back to the universe or make amends to whatever deity/deities you believe in.
7. If you like the idea of confessing to another person and getting feedback from them on how to make up for it as well as their reassurance that you can be forgiven, try either confessing to a friend or family member or if you want anonymity, there are certain places online where you can spill what's on your mind and get responses without anyone ever having to say who they are (some are pretty casual, like confession blogs, but others are based around mental health, emotional support, and getting advice, such as The Quiet Place- Comfort Spot website.
I'm not sure if I'm going to try one of the methods above or give traditional Catholic confession another shot (despite not being a traditional Catholic anymore), or perhaps I might do both. I think I'll start making a list of all my "sins" now!
P.S. If you haven't figured out by now, when I say sin in this post, I don't necessarily mean the Catholic view of what a sin is or what constitutes a sin, I just mean a morally wrong action, word, or thought and I think that's a good word to use.
ETA: I just want to clarify a few things because I'm sure this will be taken in the wrong way if I don't.
1. In no way am I saying that just because you apologize to someone that they will or should forgive you. Forgiveness is something that you have to work at and some things are too terrible to expect others to forgive. If you're truly sorry for what you did, you should be able to understand that, and will leave them alone if they don't want anything to do with you. If what you did to the other person was so bad that it's illegal, consider turning yourself in.
2. Don't apologize to whole groups of people or strangers who don't know or care what you did. I used the example above about prejudice, but that doesn't mean make some public declaration of how you used to have unwarranted negative opinions of or thoughts toward people. Very few people will care and some will be annoyed at you for acting as though you should get rewarded for having changed. Just change for the better and if your prejudice hurt anyone whom you actually know in particular, tell them you realize now that you were wrong, that you're sorry, and that you're trying to change.
3. If you said something nasty about someone and they never found out, it was still wrong to say it, but you probably shouldn't go around to every person you ever betrayed by making fun of them admitting that you called them fat, ugly, annoying etc. in the past and that you're sorry now, because even though admitting it might make you feel better, it will make them feel awful to know that was said about them. In situations like those, admitting it to yourself and making a promise to yourself to never do it again is kinder than admitting it to the person you were talking about.
Basically use common sense. If you're sorry, aren't trying to convince yourself that you were right when you know that you're wrong, and want to try to make amends for it if you can, you should be fine. Use your best judgment when dealing with others. Don't expect forgiveness from other people and don't even ask for it, just apologize because it's the right thing to do. As for whatever deity/deities you believe in (if you do), they can see into your heart and know if you're truly sorry once you confess and do your penance.
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